So please go ahead and cry
by Latoya
Category: Drama
Rating(s): PG, angst
Pairing(s): J/B
Everyone needs to be reassured
Archived on 03/12/00
Disclaimer: The lyrics are by me, but unfortunatly the boys are not so no money is being made just fun.
Summary: Sometimes we all need to be reassured
I would like to thank Loonywoif, Judy and Elaine for helping me with this fic, I probably drove them all crazy but they helped me anyway and I am most greatful, Elaine is such a wonderful beta, feedback is very apreciated thanks.
'Blair loves me', Jim mused to himself. 'Even when I'm acting like a jerk he loves me. He says that he's my Guide for life and that he would never leave me, that he would stay and help me with my senses until the end of time. He also said the one thing that I value most, that he loves me, including all my faults.'
The phone rings:
"Hello, oh hi dad, what do I owe this call to?"
"But how can you think that? I'm not a freak, I help people."
"No I guess your right, but don't talk that way about Blair. This is my life and I'm going to live it the way that I want."
"I'm only going to tell you this one more time dad. I'm happy with Blair and with my senses, I wouldn't give either one up for anything. Before I say something that I regret I'm going to hang up now, goodbye dad."
He doesn't feel special anymore
On the inside he's worn (worn)
He watches as the people pass him by
And now his heart is torn (torn)
His whole mood was ruined. He felt somewhat empty inside. Maybe his dad was right and he really was a freak. His thoughts were interrupted when he heard Blair come through the front door.
Blair knew instantly that something was wrong with his lover, his body held a slight tremble and he refused to meet his eyes. "Jim?" When he got no answer he rushed over and knelt in front of his lover, pulling the bigger man into a gentle embrace. "Shhhh love, it's all right I'm here for you", he mumured in a soft voice. "What's wrong love?"
So please go ahead and cry
I know that it hurts inside
On me you can always rely
to wipe the tears from your eyes
"Hey Chief. Nothing's wrong. Listen, I'm going to go down to the bullpen and get those reports done for Simon. I'll be back later on tonight", Jim said shrugging Blair off and grabbing his coat from the coat hanger."
He's waiting for the day when his darkness will end (end) And there comes a time when even his pain can't take it anymore But still he carries on, waiting for his torn heart to mend (mend) Wishing that he could start again
"No Jim, I'm not going to let you walk out that door until you tell me what's going on." Blair watched Jim's shoulders slump even more as Jim turned his back on him. "What's going on Jim? Talk to me, tell me what your feeling."
"I can't do that Chief. It feels like everything about me is wrong. I feel like I shouldn't exist. Can you help me understand why I do? I was talking to my da......." Jim trailed off unable to finish his sentence.
As soon as Blair heard the word dad, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Jim please don't tell me that you believe what he says. You told me before that you didn't, but something tells me that you weren't being truthful. You know that I love you right? You know that I'll always be by your side to take care of you right? Your senses are a blessing, a gift and if you don't believe that, just think about all those lives that you have saved because of them. I love you Jim and nothing is going to ever change that."
So please go ahead and cry
I know that it hurts inside
On me you can always rely
to wipe the tears from your eyes
"You know that right Jim?"
So please go ahead and cry
You'll never get an answer when you ask why
But just know that I'll always be by your side
To wipe the tears from your eyes
Jim made a half hearted attempt to free himself from his lover's arms as Blair turned him away from the door and towards the couch. "Tell me that you know that I'm telling you the truth when I say these things Jim."
"I can't Blair, I just can't do it." Jim hung his head so he couldn't see the love in Blair's eyes. "Everything and everyone that I have ever loved has been taken away from me. Some have left because they just didn't want to deal with me anymore. How long before you figure out that I'm no good and leave me to? Then I'll be all alone. "
He's left standing out in the cold (cold)
He's left standing all alone
Always trying to do what he's told (told)
I guess no one told him that he could feel this old
Blair tilted Jim's face up so he could study his lover's eyes. "Do you know how foolish your father is? Do you have regrets about meeting me and saving me all those times? I don't regret any of it, I'm so happy to have met you and I'm never going to leave you Jim, you have to believe me. Do you trust me Jim? Because I trust you with everything that I am."
So please go ahead and cry
I know that it hurts inside
On me you can always rely
to wipe the tears from your eyes
"Do you love me Jim?"
So please go ahead and cry
You'll never get an answer when you ask why
But just know that I'll always be by your side
To wipe the tears from your eyes
"Do you want me to stay here with you?"
So please go ahead and cry
I know that you think your whole life was a lie
My love you can't deny, just know that I'll always be there
To wipe the tears from your eyes
Crystal blue eyes stared up at Blair, brimming with unshed tears. "I want you to stay with me forever Blair. I have never felt this close to anyone in my life and I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up one day and you're going to disappear."
"Think Jim, if it wasn't for your senses in the first place we never would have met and then we both would be left feeling empty and incomplete. Your senses are a blessing my love and don't you let anyone tell you different."
"I believe you Blair, I love and trust you too. It's just that sometimes I feel so insecure."
"We all do love, we all do." Blair pulled Jim close and rocked him gently, vowing to show Jim how much he was loved and cherished.
He's finally found someone (Someone)
To take away all his fears
To make his pain disappear with the setting sun (sun)
Now his heartbreaking travels are all done
So please go ahead and cry
I know that it hurts inside
On me you can always rely
to wipe the tears from your eyes
So please go ahead and cry
You'll never get an answer when you ask why
But just know that I'll always be by your side
To wipe the tears from your eyes
So please go ahead and cry
I know that you think your whole life was a lie
Just know that I'll always be there
To wipe the tears from your eyes
So please go ahead and cry
My love you can't deny
Just know that I'd rather die
Than to see any tears in your eyes
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